What I know about training to be a spy...

The training went really well, thanks: much better than it could have done, anyway. 

It lasted two-years and included things like: guns, outdoor survival, acting, cars, espionage techniques, fighting skills (including those designed to disable, as well as inflict fatal injury), casinos, the secret arts of seduction, manipulation and infiltration, drugs, languages, diplomacy, torture and travel. 

We were also taught how to work well individually as well as within the group situation. Though it was made very clear to us, on the last day of the training programme, that life as a spy can be rather lonely at times. This made me sad and made me not want to be a spy anymore... 

In the woods...

If you go down to the woods today,
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods today,
You'd better go in disguise.
For every bear that ever there was (dead bears?)
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Grizzly scenes.

Last Christmas

Last Christmas, little Sarah came downstairs to discover a rather surprising scene. Instead of the piles of perfectly presented gifts spilling out from under the Christmas tree, she found an assembly of abnormal animals playing cards and drinking hard booze.

One of them, a disreputable creature boasting the rear of a kangaroo and the head of a giant anteater, spotted Sarah and threw an empty bottle of high grade whisky in her direction. The precisely-aimed bottle smashed inches above the girl’s head, and had the desired effect of sending her scurrying back to her bedroom.

Fortunately, the card game continued to its conclusion and no mention was made of the incident.