Brian

Brian’s secret is that for three hours each day he turns into a giant man. But not an ordinary giant man: one with super human powers.

Obviously this presents various benefits, Brian’s stature in the world being what it is. But there is, however, one rather unusual caveat. Brian never knows with which power he will be gifted from one day to the next.

It’s not usually an issue. Real problems occur only when complacency creeps in. And such occasions have been known to bring about some fairly serious repercussions.

Once, after discovering he had the ability to fly at the speed of light, Brian produced a huge sonic boom over the park, burst through our atmosphere and journeyed way out into space.

The stars and planets stretched out into thin lines of bright colour as he sped through the galaxy, only reverting back to their normal forms as he slowed down and landed on one of Saturn’s larger moons.

There he spent several hours bouncing around contentedly and looking at the rings and things. But when he remembered he had to get home he found he could no longer fly.

Brian was forced to remain in space, 800 million miles away from the Earth, until the arrival of a power capable of facilitating his safe return.

X-ray vision: No.

Super strength: No.

Laser eyes: No.

Stranded for two long weeks, you can imagine his relief when he realised one night he could teleport. Off he zapped back home, insistent that he would never again make the same mistake.

But there have been other little set backs; he once crushed to death two men and their Yorkshire terrier, landing on them after being gifted the ability to leap tall buildings.

He also turned an old woman into solid gold after an unfortunate misadministration of the Midas touch.

But perhaps his worst foray into error was the time he was responsible for burning down a large primary school after emitting an ill-advised fireball.

Still, at least he can rest safe knowing he is beyond capture. Brian is a worm.